Thoughts...in the key of me.

A new summer finds me in a new location once again. Every summer I have been somewhere different...which has been a really cool experience. During college I spent a summer in Dalton, a summer in Richmond VA, a summer in Yellowstone National Park, and a summer in Asheville NC. They're all great places and they all patched up my rough places in their own ways. This summer finds me in Macon. I think it will be a good thing; it has the potential to be if I'm willing to put in my effort. As usual I have the goals of reading, writing, practicing my guitar, and excercising regularly in my free time. I have a pretty large amount of free time, which is strange. I don't work until evenings so I have every day to do whatever I want. I also have cable tv for the first time in months, so that's fantastic...even though that's pretty sad. Haha...

The other night I was thinking about the art of being single. I'm reading Captivating, which is a book by the guy who wrote Wild at Heart and his wife. It's basically the female version of Wild at Heart. It has some interesting perspective about life as a woman and different aspects of it. Through reading this and thinking about the stuff it says in relation to being single...I've basically decided I should really be acting my age here. I've been moping around pathetically the past few weeks because my boyfriend broke up with me. No matter how much I say I'm independent or how strong I appear to be, my identity was there. I was validated and ok as a female because I had a boyfriend.....and that's just ridiculous. I'm 23 for crying out loud...I should be totally fine on my own. I should be enjoying the time without a driving career, without screaming kids, without major bills to pay. I shouldn't be defeated...I shouldn't be carrying my cell phone in my pocket continuously hoping somebody male will call. I've always been the strong willed, independent one. I've always been fine on my own and able to find creative ways to make the most of my time. Although being a "late bloomer" has its advantages, it's really getting annoying. I feel like I'm behind most people my age in a lot of ways. Another part of this delicate balance is that I really can't do much of anything to bring about these changes in myself because I've tried it before and it's blown up in my face. Lately I've been really trying to read my Bible a lot and look for truth there, and I've been writing things out in my prayer journal and just being brutally honest with God. I've been telling him what I'm sick of and what annoys me. I know that he's taking care of me and that I really shouldn't worry, because I have a feeling that 10 years from now I'll be wishing I had the free time I have now. I guess I'm having to re-learn what matters.