Thoughts...in the key of me.

I'm getting restless. I'm ready for a change...ready to fall into something different. I kinda get this way after I've been somewhere for 4ish years. I'm tired of Macon and I'm ready for a new place and new experiences. I thought I was going to get to do that in France, but since that's not working out I'm having to find an alternative. Moving to Athens is looking more and more appealing for a number of reasons.

I'm also ready to get back on track with God. I've felt a huge disconnect from him lately and I know that if things still go how they're going, I'm going to have some big changes in life relatively soon and I will/do need him desperately. It's frustrating to try to get back on track by myself, but I almost feel like I have to because I've never found a solid home church in Macon. I've skipped around but I've ultimately ended up frustrated and left. I feel like I'm trying to disciple myself, which isn't good. I think I really need someone to pour into me and help me through things. I'm not sure how to go about finding that person.

I'm wearing my Chacos today. The feel of them on my feet gives my legs a sort of energy, as if my body remembers the adventures I've had while wearing them. They've gotten me to mountains and back and they've seen the dust of many trails and the silt of a few rivers. When I close my eyes and feel their contour, feel the straps holding my toes, I can see where I've been. I've seen bigger things. I've seen morning mists floating off of the river. I've looked over miles of green from high places. There is nothing like that feeling; nothing like becoming part of this mass of rock or water that could consume you, but allows you to partake of it in that moment. There's nothing like that smell of morning river or the sensation of the wind stealing air from your throat. There's nothing like being part of something big.

I found out Tuesday that I didn't get accepted to go to France for a year through Campus Crusade, but it's ok. Other big things exist.

Well, it's Spring Break. Hard to believe that we're here already. That means only a couple of months until I graduate and am forever done with this thing called college. It's scary, in ways. In most other ways it is a relief beyond relief. It seems like life will get simpler after this, but I know in the back of my mind it only gets harder from here.

I think I will always, always love going to shows. Seeing mewithoutYou last night was needed. If you're not a music lover it's hard to explain how going to a show is such a recharge. Not only was it a show fix, but mewithoutYou's lyrics are amazing and approach relationship with God in some interesting ways.

Work is going well...I'm making excellent money at the restaurant, so I'm planning on staying in Macon this summer whether or not I get accepted to go to France. Oh yes, that's something else going on. I've applied to go on a stint with Campus Crusade for a year starting at the end of August. I'm really excited about it, because I think this is the perfect time to go. It will be hard leaving family and boyfriend behind, but it's something I need to do. Anyway, back to work...it's going well. It's always interesting when a Christian enters a new workplace. Even though I have not said word one about my faith or whatever and have not been annoying about it, my coworkers have already attached certain stereotypes to me. It's funny how that works...and it's also very sad because most of the stereotypes assigned to Christians are true. I think more Christians should, while still being in line with God of course, fight to break these stereotypes.

So things are generally going well. I think the lesson I'm trying to learn lately is that I don't learn from my mistakes.

Open wide my door my Lord, my Lord
Open wide my door
To whatever makes me love You more...