Thoughts...in the key of me.

'Consider the lilies of the field'- They grow where they are put. Many of us refuse to grow where we are put, consequently we take root nowhere. Jesus says that if we obey the life God has given us, He will look after all the other things. Has Jesus Christ told us a lie? If we are not experiencing the 'much more,' it is because we are not obeying the life God has given us, we are taken up with confusing considerations.

Hello, all! Just an update...I had another appointment yesterday (they're happening weekly now), and everything's going well. I've gained 24lbs overall, so that's right on the money...not too much, not too little. My blood pressure and other levels were good, and his heartbeat is strong. They ordered another ultrasound next week so we can tell how big Ridge is...she said that she would guess he's around 5lbs, but since I'm tall and long she said it's hard for her to tell. She would rather know exactly what we're dealing with as far as his size goes. So, we'll see how big he is! I'm hoping I don't have an 8 or 9 pounder curled up in there...haha...

In other news, I'm just starting to feel anxious in these weeks leading up to birth. I'm still doing a lot of reading about labor and delivery, and I'll have a couple of childbirth classes at the hospital to attend. Hopefully they'll be informative. I was thinking the other day that this whole process has been so involved- lots of emotional stress, feeling every emotion humanly possible, a lot of spiritual distress, and in these last couple of months the physical discomfort has kicked in as well. Allow me to use an outdoorsy analogy, because that's how I think: When you plan a hike or a backpacking trip, you look over your maps and information. You plan the best route to take, you consider the terrain, the weather, the local wildlife, etc. You pack your supplies, making sure you have everything you might need. Eventually, though, there comes a point in all the plan-making when you just want to put your boots on, get out there, and get muddy. I have reached the point where I just wanna get my boots muddy. I'm ready to go. But, Ridge will come when his body's ready. (Cool factoid: It's not the mother's body that initiates labor...it's the baby! When it is ready and fully developed, it secretes a hormone that starts the labor process. I think that is VERY cool...)

So now I learn to graciously wait...but I have my boots on standby.

Hello, readers! Here's a little update for you. I'm at 34 weeks and everything is moving along nicely. My weight and measurements are good...I am a bit anemic, so I had to start taking iron pills recently. Other than that, I'm just getting as prepared as I can for Ridge's arrival! I have a shower this weekend, so that's exciting. I'm also reading as much as I can about labor and delivery. Basically my plan is to gather as much information as I can about the process and different ways to cope with labor, then have all of those in mind and do what feels right to my body when the time comes. I'm hoping to have as natural a birth as possible, although I understand the need for medication might become a necessity if problems arise. My thoughts are that women have been doing this since the beginning of humanity, so there's a reason why each woman's body responds to labor differently. I'm really hoping to be able to allow my body to go through the whole birth cycle without the intervention of drugs for pain or to speed delivery. We'll see how it goes...I'm not really going to make a concrete "birth plan," because I know it would probably get scrapped anyway. I'm just going to do what feels right to my body...and hopefully the hospital staff won't make me stay in bed. That's the last thing I want to do. I feel like I'd much rather be moving around and doing what feels good to my body during labor than stuck on my back with a bunch of instruments strapped to me. We'll see how things work out.

Well, since my last update a few decisions have been made...which is a HUGE relief. I've decided to parent, so that means it's time to get ready for my son's arrival in 3 short months!! Everything has jumped to warp speed, it feels like. I was given a gorgeous baby bed, a changing table, a high chair, and a few other things. We've started getting Hannah's old room ready to be the baby's room. The walls are peach with one brown accent wall, but I don't really mind. Color is color...and I should be able to accent with other colors to make everything work. I'm going to be registering for some stuff in the next few days because I already have a shower on the calendar, so that's exciting.

Picking out a name is also on the list...although Ridge Joseph Hixon is the front-runner right now. (Just 'Ridge', or 'Ridgeland' with 'Ridge' for short? Opinions, please...'Ridgeland' almost sounds too preppy to me, but I'm not sure.)

I've also started researching labor and delivery options. Since I'm on Medicaid I don't know how much freedom I'll have to request different labor methods...I probably won't have much at all. I'm researching them anyway because they couldn't really stop me from getting out of bed and having an active labor unless something's going wrong and I have to stay in bed.

I'm 27 weeks and feeling good...I haven't reached the point of discomfort in the pregnancy, although I'm sure that's coming in the next few weeks. Everything's gone very smoothly so far and he's growing and jumping around like he's supposed to.

I'll keep the updates coming as November 27th draws ever closer...

Hello, blogland…I promised an update, so here it is! I’ve had a very intense 5 months. Back in April I moved from Macon to Dalton to live with my parents for a little while. I found out the last week of February that I’m pregnant…expecting my first child around Thanksgiving. The past year has been one big mess of confusion in my life. I forgot who I was and started acting like what other people were. I all but turned my back on my faith and the God who has gotten me through so much in life. I can’t really pinpoint when I got lost or where the wrong turn was, but I do know it’s been a long process. It started my senior year at Mercer and has been going on since then. I started ignoring truth. I lost confidence in myself, my gut instincts, and my ability to make wise decisions and started listening WAY too much to other people and what they thought I should be doing. I lost confidence in God- that He would direct me to a lasting, meaningful relationship in HIS time…not mine. Because of that I ended up in an on-again, off-again relationship with a guy from work in Macon. I really ended up stringing him along because I didn’t have the stability to believe my gut instincts that this wasn’t the relationship for me. I didn’t believe that anything else would come along. He’s the father of the baby. We’re not together because I know in my heart this is not the relationship for me. I still believe God will bring the right fit to me eventually. I’ve had a lot of people tell me they think that line of thought is stupid because life isn’t a fairy tale and you have to be happy with what you’ve got. I just don’t believe that. I truly believe that God has my guy out there, if I’ll just be patient and wait on His timing.

I figured now would be a good time to let “everyone” know because I’ve had a while to process and get to a stable place emotionally. I’m at 22 weeks now and everything’s going great…we know it’s a boy, and he’s healthy and growing like he’s supposed to. I just figured I can’t really keep it to myself anymore since I’m showing and I’m about halfway through the pregnancy. If you’re reading this and you pray (which I hope you do), please be praying for me, the baby, and the father. There are some big decisions to be made…the biggest of which is whether to take the parenting route or whether to make an adoption plan. I’ve been doing lots of research about both sides, and it’s a very strange decision because there’s no right or wrong answer. Both ways have definite advantages and disadvantages. It’s pretty much a dead even decision…I just need to be really praying hard and listening to what God wants me to do. I’m not listening to what anyone else wants…I want what God wants. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that. I’m not a drone in some lame Christian army who can’t think for herself. I’m not just another wacko God freak. I am a strong woman with free will who is freely choosing to let God run my life. I know if I communicate with Him and pay attention to what He’s doing around me, He will show me what to do.

Anyways, I’m sorry that a blog entry is the way most of you have found out about this. I needed these past few months to process and heal. A blog entry is just the easiest way to let “everyone” know. I love you all and I appreciate the support and prayers for me, my baby, and Mike (that’s the baby’s father…definitely pray for him, too). We both want what God wants and we’re striving to find out what that is. Stay tuned for updates…I’ll try to be better about making more frequent posts, especially as a decision is reached and it’s closer to Thanksgiving (my due date is Nov. 27th).

~Love Abounds~

Regardless of what your Easter tradition is- whether it's eating Peeps (it's okay...I forgive you), getting together with the family, that good ol' Easter ham, or buying a new dress every year- we all need to make a point of remembering what Easter truly means. Easter has a very special meaning for me this year. For those of you who don't know yet, I'm leaving Macon on Wednesday to move back with my parents in Dalton for a while. I'm going through some really tough stuff right now and I really need to be close to my family. I really do think it's the Lord's timing that the crux of my struggles is happening right around Easter. My church in Macon, New City, has been doing a message series leading up to Easter that has really spoken to me. Last week the message was about redemption...how Christ has covered us with mercy. Because of Christ's sacrifice, God now sees us through rose-colored glasses, if you will....he used to see us as tainted, imperfect, disgusting. Now he sees us through the lens of Christ's sacrifice and we appear perfect, blameless, and hopeful to him. I am so thankful that Christ's sacrifice has crossed out all of my sins I have done and will do and that I am now a clean, freshly clothed, innocent child in God's eyes. The resurrection serves as backup for this. If Christ had just died, the process wouldn't be complete....but, because he conquered death and rose again, his death was validated...our faith is validated...our lives are validated! I am so thankful for my faith and my foundation in Christ....I am trying to hold onto that now more than ever.

God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We're Christ's representatives. God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God's work of making things right between them. We're speaking for Christ himself now: Become friends with God; he's already a friend with you. How? you ask. In Christ. God put the wrong on him who never did anything wrong, so we could be put right with God.

2 Corinthians 5:20-21